Rest is Soulwork, too; or Napping through the Patriarchy

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I haven’t written in almost two weeks. Instead, I’ve slept, I’ve rested. I’ve healed from a minor illness, and I’ve recovered from my travel to Colorado and back. I’ve looked at the world around me and decided that instead of further exhausting myself by most probably useless debate/dialogue concerning all the “awfuls” that are causing such suffering around the world right now, I would take the radical act of saying no — no to frantic engagement, no to endless lament around what can I do? What should I do? I have to do something. . . . !! But when it’s unclear what will help, first, do no harm. That includes doing no harm to ourselves, if we’re lucky enough, that is, privileged enough, to have some choice about what takes up our attention each day.

I’m remembering what the African American feminist author Audre Lorde said about self-care — that it’s not an option, and that I won’t collude with the forces around me to render myself useless in making change. Too many forces in the world want us to be neutralized so that there is no opposition to their agendas of control, distraction, and more power concentrated in the hands of only the few, only the wealthy (and only those who have greater weaponry). Predatory capitalism as well as frantic mindless activism demand whatever energy we might have left over from the work of merely surviving at daily jobs and keeping our families fed and housed. How long shall we do more, and more, and more, until our immune systems cannot work anymore and the cancers and autoimmune diseases take us out completely?

For those of us who can, and by that I mean those of us who are not so shattered by immediate death and horror, is it not resistance to death dealing forces to not only survive, but choose to thrive, now, in our daily lives, here, around supper tables, calm evenings, and plenty of restorative sleep that allows us to dream up new worlds? For most of my adult life, I’ve wanted to serve where the deep needs of those around me meet my own skills and compassion, and much of that has been in the healing of sexual trauma and advocating for a healthier society. But trauma seems to have no end — at least for one or a few women to mop up — and we live in a trauma generating factory: the world as it is in far too many parts of our world, including in our own neighborhoods and streets. Is it not resistance to care for the greatest asset I have, my own dear body, mind, heart, soul, and spirit?

So I have taken care of this asset, already compromised by age, chronic pain, and maybe knowing too much. You know, most of us who are able to take the time and have the means to read this blog post of mine, do have more choices than we think we have. We can choose where we spend our money and how we use the pockets of time that are riddled throughout our days. Why not take a 15 minute nap? 20 minutes to write in your journal? Half an hour to dream up new worlds with your children? I say that having an inner life is a political act, and this is what I mean: thrive, now, to the extent that you can, by choosing a healthy, creative, generative life nurturing your inner strengths and saying no to endless re-runs of horror that we can do nothing about in this moment. Say no to “retail therapy”, too. I’m not talking about self-care as spa days or bubble baths. I’m talking about radical self-care that allows us to live fully as free human beings, not doings, and as a side effect, strengthens us to be the most effective agents of change in the pursuit of justice in the world, in all the areas within our reach. And that often starts with a nap. . . . And a dream.