Last week I wrote about several of the wonderful things I am working on these days.

AND AT THE SAME TIME. . . .

One of the things that often makes us feel bad about ourselves when looking at social media is that we’re seeing the shiny highlight reels of other people’s lives while we’re struggling in the midst of our own  difficulties.

So I thought that I’d also write about the  no-so-shiny things of my life. 

I’m not looking for sympathy or for help — I’m handling it all as well as possible.  I’m just wanting to be honest about the realities almost all of us live in at one time or another. Hopefully, then, you won’t feel all alone in the hard times.  

Many of you know that I’ve lived with chronic pain for more than forty years.  Yes, FOUR DECADES!  Plus half a dozen other chronic conditions that aren’t fun.

The thing about chronic pain is that it’s almost always there, and it’s improbable that it will ever go away for good. Some days I do pretty well, focusing what energy I have into projects that bring joy. Some days are really bad, though, and often I have no idea why.

Night times are difficult; I’m woken up every night 3 to 7 times because of something hurting badly enough to wrench me awake, and it can take quite a while to get back to sleep. I am one acquainted with the night. 

Sometimes I wish so badly I could leave dear body in the comfy recliner chair while I go on about my business, but the reality is that I’m not just a body or a soul or a mind, but just one “me,” inseparable. Everything affects everything else, including triggers that we know nothing about. 

Add to that past trauma, plus the uncovering of ancestral trauma, plus being empathically connected with people and their stories. And worry about the people in my life. Sometimes it seems that compassion, which is usually a very very good thing, seems to just end up causing more pain. It’s enough to make a person drown themselves in potato chips and mystery novels!

You know, I think we’re just as conscious as we can bear at any moment.  Disassociation or mindless distraction is an ever-present temptation for me.  (I’m not talking here of dissociative disorders, but just the garden-variety numbing of oneself from difficult realities.)

And aging! Aging is way better than the alternative, but is an ongoing process of letting go while carrying more aches and pains!  Hearing goes, cataracts grow, muscles and bones deteriorate, and teeth act up. And fatigue —- oh my, the fatigue! — becomes a constant companion.

BUTANDALSO, this isn’t a competition in the “Who suffers most?” category! So many of us have other struggles, many much more difficult. I have a home, a family, and friends. I have healthcare, and I live in a country at peace.  For me, the best way to keep on keeping on is to listen closely to the needs of dear body, focus on two or three projects which bring joy, and always try to keep in front of me that which is good and beautiful.

There’s always some beauty somewhere!